In the last week, or so I have realised that I am NOT tall – rather I am short. I have never seen or perceived myself that way. I have always seen myself as being of average height. Then again, up until recently I always wore 4 inch heels. So I am 5’2” or 163 cms. I always saw myself, in my mind’s eye, as 5’4” or 165cms.
But I am not.
This train of thought began on Monday evening when T and I popped by Tess, and Erik’s place on the way home and Amy and Tess had been for a walk. Now Tess IS short ( scraping in at JUST 5’). Amy is 5’6” and most of that is leg length. So tess had us in hysterics with the words that painted the picture of her taking 3-4 steps to each of Amy’s one step; sweating and working it up and losing breathe while Amy strode along barely breaking a sweat.
Then T informed me that I am short, too. I know in the last year or so I have lost 2cms. One of the xrays I had late last year revealed one of my vertebrae has been broken and healed, to my surprise at the time. Although in thinking about it, I could identify exactly when it happened. I remember the incident. I remember the aftermath, and it resulted in me working from bed for a week in too much pain to move. Please note, I still managed to work!
Does physical height impact on self esteem? I know weight does. If a girl is overweight or when a woman walks through the put_on_weight, lose_weight cycling tat is part of our walk through life, I have often heard wailed and whispered “If I was only THIS weight, then I would be beautiful/happy/ lead a perfect life!” Contentment within oneself is NOT linked to weight or lack thereof. Large or small, you are the same person. It is true that increasing fitness and tautening up can add a sway to your hips and give a little confidence boost, but it does not magically confer happiness.
This morning as I walked across the bridge over the Wyong River and looked out into inky blackness with no hint of light or sight across the sliver of water and as the cold spoke to me, it crossed my mind that this time NEXT week I would not be walking across this particular bridge, nor would I have the need to be out and about at 5.15am. It also crossed my mind, that even north of my physical location, it also would NOT be any longer 5.15am but rather 4.15am as daylight savings times end this coming weekend. Because of this, I gain an extra hour as well as the extra morning hour and a half where I won’t be travelling.
Summer is ending – in fact we are already slipping steadily into autumn and the weather is chilling evening and morning, accordingly. We do not have the vast seasonal differences that other parts of the world live through. We have no snow. Our winter weather is often like an English summer – except NOT as wet. The chill lies in the darker hours and when the wind blows from the south after gathering an icy breath across the Antarctic and then coming to play with us.