1. Pick your battles. “Mum……… do you think my hair would look good dyed pink??? Can I – what do you think????? I thought about it. I told her that her hair was HERS. She could colour it any colour she wanted, however perhaps she should see what the school rules are first?? Now that was a brainwave????
2. I have raised 5 girls and each and every one at some point has maintained, built and supported a “floor drobe” or a “chest of floors”. Yes it can be frustrating that the very clothing you washed and ensured were dried, folded and placed neatly on the end of her bed to be placed in the waiting ( albeit empty ) drawers or on hangers in the waiting and empty wardrobe are found in piles shed and shoved at any point on or around the floor. Never underestimate the importance of trying on EVERY stitch of available clothing in every possible combination and discarded and sometimes retrieved and tried again just before leaving the house to go somewhere.
I have learned that despite ALL evidence to the contrary, those same girls do know how to clean and tidy and put away and eventually pick up the mantle of order. it may be years down the track but all that example relentlessly sneaks in and lodges deep within their subconscious and creeps up and takes over when they are so tired from work and juggling an adult life. To my great relief. So there is hope.
3. Always keep communication open. Listen. Encourage their honesty and repay them with thoughtful acceptance. Bite holes in your tongue rather than knee jerk react. They need to know they can tell you ANYTHING and everything and you love them anyway. You can’t help them if they hide from you.
4. There are times when your daughter will fling a verbal outrageous insult at you to force you to give in or do something she wants, to pass on bad feelings she has amassed because something in not quite right at school or with friends, or simply because she needs an overflow of all those emotions. The best thing you can do is NOT react in kind. Repeat silently to yourself that it isnt personal although it REALLY feels like it and bite your tongue. This too will pass.
What are your best tips??