Today is a maudlin day for me; one of those days where I am more aware of the lack in my life than the numerous blessings I have been gifted with.
My mother and dad fought, argued worked and did their best for us from the day they were married until the day my father died. They committed for life, for better, for worse. Even today as I listen to Mum talk about history and our earlier years and she talks of my dad, I see and hear her strength as I often have, but I hear and feel the thick heavy pulse of lifelong love tht binds them still although my daddy is long dead ( since 1984).
This makes me well and truly aware of what I do not have. Although I am loved, deeply ( and occasionally hated ) by my children, and loved ANYWAY by my mother and no doubt by my dad and nana as well, I have not been blessed by a partner who can love me for myself – good, bad, ups down and all the flaws and blessings. Today that grieves me.