I have been at it for so long one would assume I had “gotten it” by now. Tsk tsk.
I am afraid I behaved badly last night. I even yelled at Princess 15 year old. GASP. I must confess there was a certain satisfaction in opening my mouth and speaking my mind. Needless to say said Princess retired to her bedroom behind a closed door muttering something about …..”but thats a mother’s job!!
It all started yesterday morning when I tried 6 times to rouse Princess from her bed. Five more minutes…… five more minutes FLOUNCE, THRASH… etc. At the 6th time when she growled and grumped at me, I am afraid I YELLED at her and announced I was leaving for work and she either gets up or doesn’t. However choosing NOT TO will see me choose NOT TO do other things which she in fact may want me to do. When I am doing the right thing and have willing rearranged my life to do the right thing I hate being taken for granted or feeling used. Esopecially when doing the right thing has cost me dearly.
Home I wandered after a full work day and Princess was on the lounge, laptop just THERE in the corner of the lounge on the net absorbed in teenage melodramas and inconsequential happenings or chat. I was informed she was hungry so put my bag down and immediately began preparing lasagna ( from scratch mind you from all the best ingredients)….pasta sauce, white sauce, a net search to find the manual for the oven so we could work it finally without burning things..(ASIDE: called Princess to read metal engraved label inside over door – at my age my eyes are not the best and being a young Princess….shall we just say she picked “ANY number” and leave it at that. To find the correct SMEG manual I needed the correct Model number. Mental note to self – if I want something done…do it myself which I eventually had to do anyways. )
I observed ( see noone HAS to ask me)…… I open my eyes and observe and then I act. Princess in the midst of “expressing herself” later informed me that she does not SEE these things so if I want something I HAVE to ask her. Otherwise everything IS my job. Princess and I differ greatly here. Is ee my job as alerting ehr and waking her up tot he possibility of noticing these things and maybe at some point in her life actually choosing to do them without requests, begging or bribery on my part.
- TWO of us live here, therefore we both contribute.
- I see my job NOT as to be slave and provider and doer of ALL things, but rather to challenge Princess to open her eyes and adjust her focus to encompass the world around her that she lives in. AND learn the skills necessary to wrangle her environment and live at a decent standard.
- I expect her to think. “Mum Mum, I need this cream – such and such is driving me mad!!” I spend $60 to buy the cream and bring it home and it has sat there despite all my reminders for over a week now. My question to Princess….why was it so urgent and why spend that money if she wasnt going to use it?? I hate waste and to me thisb was waste -of my time, of money. it is also nice for her to make spontaneous choices however if I have amde an effort and expect her to be somewhere when I could be elsewhere and she doesnt bother tellign me until the 11th hour… that is selfish, self absorbed and thoughtless. And yes, I know she is only 15.
The only thing Princess was focused on was the net and by the time we finished our heated exchange ( and yes we yelled !!) I demanded the netstick immediately with great satisfaction. If she is not going to show respect or meet me halfway or at least be nice to me I will take away what I supply to underscore my point.
I did point out that I have not deserted her as otehrs have in her life, and have paid a very high price to be there with her and for her and do not regret that in any way shape or form. I did point out that like other people I could have chosen other things and other people, in fact did choose otehr things, situations, people.. I will not lie down and cop nastiness because Princess is not a morning person, or because someone wants to be a Princess and mothers are meant to do everything and not complain. Newsflash – mothers are people too, and have tempers.
I have asked her to calm down, think about what she might be able to open her eyes and see and do willingly without a need to ask multiple times, with much gnashing of teeth on my part, in order for Princess to contribute and come and talk to me when she has worked it out.
Now I feel better.