Good Night

I lock the door and check the windows are shut; that had always been Tony’s job – the man’s job, organising the house before bed.  I damp down the pain of thinking about him.  They are just doors.  I can lock them myself.

I walk around the place methodically, turning off lights and go into the bedroom. I pull back the covers and climb into the bed.  My bed now.  That bed has history.  Tony is the only man I have slept with in that bed.  I purchased the bed just after I met him, before we  became anything but just after meeting .  So many nights were spent in that bed, tangled and close.  Before we lived together when he was not with me, there, in that bed I lay there whispering to him for hours that felt like only minutes.  There is a lot of history in that bed.

I climb out of bed and go back to the loungeroom and curl up in the corner of the lounge, waiting for sleep to find me or the morning to come – whichever comes first.

7 comments on “Good Night

  1. Thanks Sammi. I am working my way through all of this as I can, starting with each and every day. You have shown me in how you live, and in your choices and thoughts and in the changes in you I have seen that time will work its magic. For now I am doing the work I need to unearth me, and find my pathway forward, whatever that means. I appreciate your understand, support and kindness…more than you realise.

  2. Buy a new bed, that’s what I did…. 🙂

    Like “incognito” I have precious few good memories of my last relationship. After 1 year & 2 months of being solo, I am FINALLY coming to terms with the end of my relationship. I have FINALLY confonted some demons that have been plaguing me, including the fact that the March incident (that you know only too well about) was actually the 7th aggressive and angry incident that occurred. Granted, it was only the second time that bruises were left and it was the most violent. Having said that, each one before – which I had pushed so far down in my consciousness that it almost was forgotten – was getting more and more aggressive and threatening, and because of LOVE I chose to accept it at the time and blame myself for another actions and words.

    In the end, his promises to get help did culminate in him finding “God” and deciding that I wasn’t religious enough for his new world. I mean, seriously….? That was probably his last violent act.

    The moral of the story is that all things pass in time, and the light within you grows stronger and more powerful.

    You know where I am if you need me – day or night.

  3. Thank you all for understanding. For me it is just one day at a time. Sometimes one breath at a time. But relentlessly, time and I move forward in this currently new reality. M.

  4. I can relate to this so much and understand…. and this post is so, private and revealing. It may pass, but it may take a long time, and all one can do is just get through the day. History haunts and catches you off guard, at any moment. It’s also hard to let go of memories, and me, I’ve been doing it almost a year now, and I still have sleepless nights.

    But there is a rainbow after every storm, and you are on the trail to finding it.


  5. Once, it was the woman that checked all the doors; the chatelain. But now it is the man because, I suppose, it is his role to protect his castle. I remember long sleepless nights…but it passes.

  6. I am told the same. But for the moment I am just concentrating on whatever I need to get through each day.

  7. The hardest thing are the memories…I didn’t have any good ones from my marriage but am still continuously running away from the not-so-good ones.

    It’s funny how when one door in life closes suddenly it’s difficult to be around yourself because of the memories…I hope sleep found you in the lounge and I’m told things get better with time…I still hope and wait…

    Good wishes to you

    Incognito x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: