I am writing this letter because it is important you know that despite everything , despite life, despite all the ups and downs and all arounds – I still believe that you exist. I am waiting for us to be together.
You are a good man, a rare man. You are willing to love and make a real committment. You do not toy with my feelings. You love deeply, and no matter what, never stop loving and you prove that to me beyond a shadow of a doubt. You understand that need in me to verify this after the life I have lived up to the moment we met. You accept even this part of me.
Your visits settle into a routine and when you are with me it reminds me of all the reasons you have my heart. You accept my occasional silences and the oddness that finds me in odd places at odd times staring into what seems like nothing, totally absorbed, seeing all the things people never say, yet which are plain to me.
You treat me with a gentleness that astonishes me. Mostly you accept all parts of me; the good, the bad, the happy, the sad and you are unfailingly on my side. You are in my corner no matter what. And I feel safe.
I trust you and I can and do tell you absolutely everything. You do not judge me for my thoughts or my past. Or my actions and hesitations. You understand how as I open delicately unravelling the threads to reveal the secrets that I keep hidden from everyone, that one harshness and lack of understand will see the blossom slam shut. This would leave you with a semblance but not the reality of me. The image; hollow and empty. But you accept and understand. I watch you carefully for judgement or control or lack of understanding but I see none of that. You accept me. Simply. So you have the dubious gift of the real me, and I feel safe enough with you to truly be that person.
You are a dream that visits me that leaves me fulfilled upon waking, a dream that makes my life worth living. You are my safe haven and catch me when I fall.
It is a love so large that even I with my gift of words find it hard to find the right words to describe it.
And now at this time in my life, I work industriously and love as I need to while I wait for you. Nothing less than this will satisfy, or is right. This is the fulfillment of the dream I was born with.
I want to work at a life and loving you today and every day for the rest of both of our lives. I want to want you and I want you to want me. I want us to fight and clear the air. I want you to ground me when I float too high, and I will pull you down to earth when you get too arrogant. I want this as my bedrock, my safe harbour, my haven, my lived dream.
So I settle into waiting.