This week has been a tough one for me.
Let me correct that, this year has been a tough one for me.
Why? Because someone I love, turned out not to be who he always said he was, and is lost to me after many years of loving and not giving up. Regardless of what anyone thinks, I still love him. Love does not die. It is still love. But I can honestly say I do not like him, and the person I have discovered he is. This loss sees me undergo a daily struggle within myself. And I just daily turn way and focus on what I must do and try to live the life I have in the very best way I am able to. That I can do, and can have.
And also because people I love and who love me have either left this earthly world for good, or face that journey. One had lived a good span, one is younger than I am. Simply, emotionally, it is like someone gets in my face and screams important messages at me.
1. All of us are old irregardless of age; none of us know when our time or hour is up, so make the most of every moment you have. You never know.
2. How do I want people to remember me? Am I making life choices that will lead to that outcome? What do I need to change to make that happen?
3. In 5 years time, will this decision I am making matter? Will this thing which seems all important be remembered?
4. Have I told those who matter today how much I value them and love them? Have I shown that in my choices and my deeds as well as my words?
As the accumulated heat of yesterday has bled into a morning fog and the coolness is tickling the back of my neck as I write this, I am grateful for:
1. My household of sleeping teenage girls; some mine, one not. I woke Geni at 110 past 5am so she could dress and leave at 5.20 in order to catch the train and begin her 6am shift. As I woke her, she sat up in bed and said :”What? You sound like my mum.” MMmmmmm. Funny that. I AM your mum. Morning Geni. And yes, she did make her train.
2. Geni has been at Amy and Tess’ place for a week as she did one week work experience as a primary teacher at the school where Amy teaches. When she arrived home last night she told me she really had missed me as she had three emotional meltdowns while away from me. It seems, for Geni, that I am her home.
3. Leonnie and I will go shopping today as she has some money for “basics”. We had such a wonderful time two weeks ago buying jean shorts and a bikini that she is looking forward to doing the same with me again. It seems she has been arguing nonstop with her dad and his partner this past two weeks and needs some space where she can just be, and where someone listens to her without pushing any otehr agenda. Sounds like me again.
Geni is preparing for her formal ( this coming Thursday ) and her dress is divine. I have organised Thursday off work to be there with her and for her as she prepares. Her partner has chosen a tie to coordinate with her dress, and arranged to meet her to ensure the colour was perfect ( how sweet). Rest assured I shall post pictures toward the end of the week.