Find beauty not only in the thing itself but in the pattern of the shadows, the light and dark which that thing provides. Junichiro Tanizaki
With my artist’s eye I observe my own life and the radical round of changes I have been living within and through. Sometimes it is like a grid is placed over all experience and all I see, like drafting paper, and the patterns jump out at me, with all the light and variation and shading. Occasionally I am able to capture a small portion of this in my paintings. Often it drips at my subconscious and sits with me, scratching away at each and every moment, as relentlessly as water gnaws at any cliff face over time.
“Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” Edward de Bono
Choices, mine and others, in the last year have dramatically seismically altered the landscape of how I live my life today. Honestly, I made my choices and took my steps, breaking ground to break toxic, controlling, abusive patters where love was voiced but by no means lived. Someone had to take the responsibility and end the cycle.
Yet in changing our reality, I must say, I did so with a sense of hope that life would work within us both and eventually bring us back to each other. My choices then and now left that bridge intact. Someone else’s choices tore the bridge down stone by stone. I let him. I stood, a silent witness, on my side of the divide and let him break the bridge irrevocably.
There is no doubt that creativity is the most important human resource of all. Without creativity, there would be no progress, and we would be forever repeating the same patterns.
Edward de Bono
What did I learn as I watched? That there had been love, but it was not love of ME, rather love of all that came with me; the spoiling, the “mothering” , the indulgence, the inordinate gratitude on my part that boosted his feeling of self worth, and my family. But not love for, or love of, me.
As you walk, you cut open and create that riverbed into which the stream of your descendants shall enter and flow.
I dared to stand back and observe and face what I did not like or want to see, and I left. From my side of this divide, where I have broken earth and cleared the debris of my well intended, and hopeful bridge, I am left with myself. I do not need to lean on or against another, to feel good about myself. Surprisingly, I find the sure knowledge that I have made the right choice and done the right thing, is enough to straighten my back and cause new buds of young and early growth to spring from my newly extended and unlimited fingers.
Champion the right to be yourself; dare to be different and to set your own pattern, live your own life, and follow your own star.