By nature I am touchy feeling, affectionate. I am verbally affectionate. Or I was.
I started into my last relationship demonstrative, hugging and touchy. Little derisive comments and cooing noises when I walked past and had to touch – have that physical contact – put me back in my box. Over 6 years I became so UNUSED to human contact that if someone brushed gainst me in passing, I would jump out of my skin.
Geni often tell me she loves me. She does this because she wants me to say the same. By her doing this and waiting it has woken me to how little I express the love I live and feel so deeply.
This is my next challenge. I am going to undoing my physical and emotional isolation. I am going to express how I feel, eagerly and openly. Ingenuously. As was previously my way. My nature.
Never again will someone control me with approval and more often – coldness and disapproval.