Waking Up

By nature I am touchy feeling, affectionate.  I am verbally affectionate. Or I was.

I started into my last relationship demonstrative, hugging and touchy.  Little derisive comments and cooing noises when I walked past and had to touch – have that physical contact – put me back in my box.  Over 6 years I became so UNUSED to human contact that if someone brushed gainst me in passing, I would jump out of my skin.

Geni often tell me she loves me.  She does this because she wants me to say the same.  By her doing this and waiting it has woken me to how little I express the love I live and feel so deeply.

This is my next challenge.  I am going to undoing my physical and emotional isolation.  I am going to express how I feel, eagerly and openly. Ingenuously.  As was previously my way.  My nature.

Never again will someone control me with approval and more often – coldness and disapproval.

5 comments on “Waking Up

  1. That I can recognise this I see as part of the journey. It is almost like the parts of me which solidified are beginning to loosen up and melt and I am becoming me again, unearthing who I am truly at my core – uninfluenced by what makes someone else safe and powerful.

  2. Maggs, i’d stopped all the touchy-feeliness too…the ex wasn’t a ‘hugging’, ‘holding hands’, ‘kissing just because’ type…so I became quite stiff and icy…however I was blessed with a very affectionate and bubbly sister-in-law when my brother got married 6 months ago and I’ve learnt the beauty of showing affection to family and friends just by a hug or squeeze of the hand etc again…and people are more open and in fact closer to me because the iciness has slowly disappeared.
    You will get there too-as awkward and difficult as it is to begin with!

    Love incognito x

  3. Hey Dee – Missed you too, and L, you know I am working on this – step 1 is awareness and then action. This is the acknowledging and knowing bit…. 🙂

  4. Amen, hun….You shouldn’t miss out.
    God, I miss you!
    I’ve been writing:) And, ahem, twittering,lol.

    Lots of hugs your way))))


  5. I am just unearthing me. Unpacking the components as they defrost and spring back into living.

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