Last year, this time

Two weeks back, 1 year ago, my mother was hospitalised with dysentry and struggled.   She was already frial and had not fully picked up after her long surgeries and ordeals to remove the stomach cancer.  My days were early to work, then to hospital to sit by her and with her, then home – an hour by bus, 45 minutes by train and 20 minutes by bus again, before doing what was needed for 16 year old  and the household as it was at that time. Repeated the next day, and the next.  A similar variation on weekends.

At this time my partner of 8 years made his own choices and while I followed what was right for me to do, he went north to a lifelong friend’s birthday and met a girl, beginning a relationship while still living with me.

Suffice it to say while growing his relationship  and making choices that continued to move him away from my world and life, he continued to live under the same roof.  In August mum was back at home and on the mend and I had found a place for Geni and I to move into and she and I left.  I tried to keep communication open, and to be civilised, but sooner rather than later it was better to turn completely away and move forward into life and living.

I did not expect it just to be me.  I truly believed we would be companions for life.  But obviously that was not to be and it was hurting more than it helped.  Playing the “someone else” card is a deal breaker for me, I am afraid.

There is joy and peace in my life and I am loved.  My life is full and productive and prosperous.  I can honestly say that I am aware I am not heart healed.  There are spaces that are numb; almost dormant.  But there is joy, and much love that is part of my every day and my walk.

I am grateful for the doors which open and close and the lessons along my path through life.  I am grateful for each moment of love.  I am grateful and present within today – not forgetting how I got here.

I am at peace.


3 comments on “Last year, this time

  1. Good to know the worst is over. Hope things get easier and more joyful. I think you are doing all the right things. Hang in there!

  2. Thanks Dorrie. The worst is over. I am at peace – if a little numb.

  3. for some reason I was unable to enter your blog recently. Ah, wordpress (grrrrr). Anyway, I relate to what you went through, are going through…… {hugs}

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