My birthday always makes me reflective. I turn inward and take a big deep look and face myself. I haul out a checklist and take my temperature.
- Life is different this year. CHECK.
- I get through each day, make a difference and am productive. CHECK.
- I pay the bills accrued, and keep a roof over our heads. School fees are paid, we have the right clothing, more than enough food to suit whatever our tastes may be and we largely have our health. CHECK.
- I still have my Mum, and she is doing better than she has in years. CHECK.
- Largely I am in touch with my children and share the lives of them and their children – without crossing the invasive line. CHECK.
- I am employable and have a job that allows me to make a difference. CHECK>
- I have good and trusted friends. CHECK.
- There is noone in my life as soulmate and partner. Sometimes I miss having that validation. I am aware that although I function, am positive and largely cheerful, there is a part of me damaged and asleep. So I suppose I am a bit like Sleeping Beauty, emotionally. I am not looking for Prince Charming but I wouldn’t run away if he turned up and convinced me to take one last chance. CHECK.
I found the quote by Rumi and thought how sometimes the most artistic and lovely is art that shows signs of life and wear. I do not regret any of the breakings that life has offered me. I embrace these lessons. I embrace life and value it in others. Poetry always speaks to me. In fact, my kids bag me mercilessly when I wax poetic. What they don’t realise yet is they are all marked and tattoed deep and thoroughly with the poetry that is my natural element. And with my love of words.
Rather than focus on what I don’t have I am using my energy and focus to do the very best I can for those I love in my life.