Anyone CAN say no. You do not need to soften “No” with anything other than a smile. There is no need for little white lies; just “No thanks!” I personally believe we should all say “No!” more often. You build up less resentment and emotional debt. You are more authentic and true to yourself. Think about it.
If you do not want to go somewhere, don’t go. If it makes you uncomfortable, then there should be no pressure on you to go, do or attend.
How to recognise a toxic relationship. A workmate and I were discussing the spectacular failure of one of my previous relationships. I had just walked 10 steps back to my desk and she sent me a link which she had just then received. I consider this an underscoring from life!!
Noone else is YOU! We are all unique. We all learn lessons in our own way and in our own time – and sometimes we stubbornly choose NOT to learn lessons. It is blatantly unfair of you to measure anyone against your standards, or how you do things or believe they should be done.
You are responsible for your own happiness. You are not responsible for everyone else; the person who sits next to you at work, your next door neighbour, you mother, your daughter/son/grandchild – even your partner. You do have some responsibility for the care, nurturing and rearing of your children and family, but each individual is responsible for their own happiness. Why is it so hard to get through to yourself that you alone are answerable for your own choices, life, peace, joy or lack of any of those.
Stand back and let life teach those you love. Even if you know what they are choosing will hurt them physically or emotionally, sometimes you have to stand back and let life teach those you love the lessons they need. Bite your tongue. Bide your time. Be there to help them when they come to you for help. And when they ask. Give them understanding and gentle honesty NOT expecting gratitude, or that they will embrace whatever wisdom you offer. YOUR job is to share your lessons IF they ask. What they do with that, is up to them. If you absolutely MUST do something, then commiserate, find a way to turn whatever it is into black humour and help put them back together.
You do not NEED another person to complete YOU. You just need to explore, uncover and embrace who you really are ( good bad and otherwise!!) A partner is a complementary other; whole unto themselves who may or may not accompany you through life.
You can love, and give love above and beyond what you think anyone else can, but you cannot wish for, pray up, beg for, manipulate or inveigle another person to love and want you. The simple truth is they either do, or they don’t.
Listen to what any person tells you. And believe them. This can be in their words, or in how they act, and their choices. If someone tells you in any of these ways that they don’t love you in the way you need to see, feel and receive love then believe them. Don’t waste any more time or life with them. Remember, they either do, or they don’t.