There are times when every time I turn around something “bad” or terrible seems to be happening to me, or to someone I love so much it feels like the same thing. Do you ever have years that are just that kind of tough? I am not going to specify what form the disaster takes; it could be economic, or tragic. You know those periods where you get to the end of a year, mutter quietly almost under your breath “mmmm I am glad THAT one is over…” and earnestly look towards a new beginning.
I have realised that every single day is a fresh start, a chance to start over, a blank page to be filled with new dreams.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
I am learning not to ask why in my mind for some of these experiences. What I can say is each and every one , painful as it is ,and stressful as it is at the time, is cathartic and a huge and immense opportunity for change and growth. It may have taken a lifetime but I am no longer twisting and squirming to avoid these formative challenges. Now, it is almost like I wake in the morning draw my first breath and am just simple grateful I am alive. I am mindful of where I am JUST right now. No matter what comes to me I truly know from long hard experience that I will come out the other end a better person whom I will like more. So I am okay.
What have I learned?
That letting go is tough and hurts, but sometimes it is important as a pathways into what is better. I am not very good at letting go!! Letting go can be a final act of loving. If something is hurting more than it is helping, then it is a gift to free you both. Yes, it hurts. BUT everything worth having always costs you something. It is not a financial cost really – even if it appears that way. If it is only about money it is never going to satisfy the whole of you anyways, so get out of there.
- If you have to wait around for hours and days hoping someone will notice you or make time for you or come home to be with you, then they are not yours anyways. Get out of there!!!!
- If they cannot make you believe their love for you, because the occasional word that says “love” is always followed by a “But……….” Get out of there!
- If YOU always seem to be on the end of the Issues list and ALL the issues seem to be yours and yours to fix, the imbalance alone makes it not right. get out of there.
Take the time to grieve, list the lessons you learned, get back in touch with yourself, and take a big deep breath and launch into YOUR life and living – unencumbered. I promise you life will be better. Life is full to the brim and overflowing with infinite possibilities and configurations.
Remember – don’t confuse power and control with love. Just know that if someone really loves you, their actions will tell you they choose to and want to be with you. Don’t settle for less.
“I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on.” ~Stephen Sondheim
Don’t waste good time resenting something. From personal experience I have walked that path only to realise much later that this particular wrenching experience was essential step towards making other good things happen. That’s how the universe works, I believe. So even if bad stuff happens now, I do believe there is a reason, and it might take another few decades to find out what it is, but that’s OK. I’ll be thrilled if I’m still here to figure it out.
“How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross